Another week has flown by. It seems like I only post once a week, usually on Wednesday nights after i come home from school. Once Wednesday is over, i feel a little less crazy because my school is over for the week and I have a long weekend to do any homework and/or housework. This past week i've had a lot on my mind, and i'm sure my husband and kids would tell you that i've been cranky. It's just that between the ptk honor society, the tau honor society, my classes and Rachel's homeschooling, there is so much to get done and it feels like i'm going in 3 or 4 different directions all the time. I really want to "network" by volunteering for ptk and by running the tau effectively while keeping my 3.8 average, but being the president of a whole honor society is really stressing me out. I want to do well. I want to prove to my future employers that I am able to do well under pressure. Given my history with the mental health industry in Delaware, i feel like any background checks that my future employers might do may keep me from getting a job. I feel like I'm gonna need something on record that shows that I'm ok, and not just ok but very employable and able to handle whatever is thrown my way. Which is true, but in doing all these things i'm doing to prove that i'm ok, i kind of feel stretched.
Tomorrow I am going down to the college to have lunch with the President of the college and then i'm gonna go around to as much faculty as possible to try and sell some flower bulbs. I've been told that this flower bulb fundraiser is usually our club's biggest fundraiser, but i fear that this year (the year i'm in charge) we will have like no sales. So i'll take tomorrow to sell my little heart out. Then i'll come home and try to figure out what needs to be done for the big yard sale/bake sale that i'm in charge of for tau. We only have a week and a half left and so much to do. Thankfully, i have a couple of members from tau who really are doing a lot of the work, but there is still much to do and not a lot of time, and i don't delegate well. Then, hopefully, i will be able to go to the new Bible study on prayer that's at my church. I missed it the last two times they got together, so i really need to reconnect (and maybe someone there will be someone to buy flower bulbs too ;)).
Thankfully Steve is off for a couple of days, so he can help Rachel do schoolwork while I do my stuff.
I have volunteered a couple of times for PTK so far, and next Saturday the college is sponsoring a big Gourmet Gala that Erin and I may volunteer for from 5-11. Then, the next day i will need to be at my adivisors house at 7am to set up for the yard/bake sale. Oh, i guess i will need to spend that Saturday afternoon before the gala baking a bunch of stuff for the bake part of the sale. I'm sure Rachel will want to help with that.
Whatever I do, I just want to do really, really well. I'm kind of like an all or nothing kind of person. The only problem is, in order to be really great at some things, i need to put other things on the back burner for a while. Except lately, i've just been doing a little bit of everything instead of being really great at one or two things. I feel guilty that i'm not wanting to spend all my time at home anymore. I want to get out into the world and live a little. Except my kids need me at home still. So, that's why i've been feeling stretched. Stretched between what i want to do and what i'm supposed to do. For some reason, it feels like my desire to go out and do well at things other than housework, cooking, and mommy stuff is not a good desire. I'm not sure if it's just because i haven't done anything outside the house in 17 years or because it is actually wrong for me to want to go out and work, but my desire to be working outside of the home seems wrong somehow. Well, that's what i've been struggling with. It always helps me to put stuff like this in writing so that i may start to sort it out, which i'm sure i will do sooner or later. Either way, I am thankful that i even have the opportunity to learn new things and start taking steps towards the next stage of my life. Just a few more years and I won't have any kids at home, so i am very thankful that i am preparing for my future now. That way, when they are all grown, I will be ready too.
So, tonight I am thankful for:
1. The opportunity to go to college
2. Overcoming challenges
3. My husband, who is my cheerleader when i'm facing a challenge.