Thoughts and Udates

Well, it has been a long time and just so my family and friends do not think i dropped off the face of the earth, i figured i should take some time and post something.

I have not really felt like myself for a couple of weeks so i have just been kind of going through the motions. This is probably due to hormones and most likely due to some physical problems i have been having-- along with a change in the medication i have been taking for achalasia for the past 5 years. I am going back to the doctor today to get back on my regular meds. There was a state shortage over here of the meds i usually take, and i am praying that i can try again to get my regular meds filled. This whole thing has made me wonder if i put too much faith in my medicine and not enough on God. Rachel and I are studying I Samuel and my heart and mind are stuck on what God told Samuel to make Samuel feel better after Israel asked for a King. He told Samuel "They are not rejecting you as leader, Samuel, they are rejecting Me". It has made me think about how I reject God as my leader and replace His divine leadership over my life and the decisions i make with other things that I believe are better for me. I know in my heart that whatever happens in my life, God is in control, and to a certain extent i find alot of peace in that. But sometimes, I fear that God's way of doing things will cause me some kind of pain, and i hop off that bus and appoint my own Kings and do my own thing.

So, even though i have not felt that great in over a week, i know this will not last forever and in the end it will all be ok, because i CHOOSE to trust that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him. And I love Him. And I choose to trust Him. I may not like how He brings me from here to there, but I trust Him.

Anyway, as an update, Rachel is doing great lately in school and she is whizzing past her subjects in about half the time she did when we first started. I think i may have to add some things to make our day longer, and i need to get her into some extracurricular activities to get her out of the house, but it is going pretty good.

Today is the first day Erin is allowed to drive by herself, so i let her take my car to school. Man, talk about putting your child in the hands of the Lord. I am so nervous. So far, i know she got to school ok cause she texted me when she got there. This is an exciting time for Erin, and Steve and I feel very old. She is a great young lady and is very responsible so i am not as worried as i could be--but i still don't like this new freedom of hers. Of course, i would not tell her that. She is working hard to save up to buy a car for herself and once she does, i'm sure she will be out all the time. Even so, she is my baby and it feels like just yesturday she was dancing to a Big Bird video in front of the t.v. Where does time go?

Matt is doing good also. He really enjoys school, which is a relief cause when he first started Middletown High he hated it. But, now he has a ton of friends, a girl friend who DRIVES, and is falling in love with his drama class. He actually is thinking about not playing football next year so he can get involved in the fall play. How's that for turn-of-events? No matter what he does-I will be very proud of him. He is such a great kid, sometimes i wonder why my mothers threat of me having kids who were the same as i was never came true. God FORBID i have a teen-ager who is like what i put my parents through. I think God knows that i am not strong enough to have a kid like me and He knows i could not deal with the things my mother and father had to deal with (have i told you mom and dad how sorry i am for those years? this is me telling you again).

So, that's about it today. I need to go put my face on and get out of here. I have 2 papers and 2 big tests to study for. I am getting inducted into the College Honor Society (Phi Theta Kappa) on Thursday and i will need to keep my grade point average over 3.33. Nothing under a B plus. Have i mentioned i do not like political science? Well, i don't. But i do like theories of counseling, so i guess it evens out. Wish me luck.
Have a great week.

Today i am thankful for:
God's love for Me
God's patience with me
The parent's God allowed me to have